I Had A Dream

…well… a nightmare really. It was while ago and when I did I thought about starting a blog so I could get it down right away. It was a very powerful dream and, unusual for a nightmare, was much scarier after I woke up then it was during the dream. I couldn’t get back to sleep for hours after the dream and I can’t remember the last time before then that this was the case. It was a truly frightening experience that I’m now going to share with my zero readers but you need some background first.

When reading Red State Son, I came across rather effective endorsement for Nicholson Baker’s book: Human Smoke. Mr. Perin posted a quote from a review by someone else that was along the lines of: it made me angry at pacifists. Being a pacifist, before I read Mr. Baker’s book, I found World War Two hard to argue against without resorting to the pacifist basics and I couldn’t think of a better endorsement to read Human Smoke then it makes warmongers angry at pacifists. Mr. Baker’s book taught me a lot of history I didn’t previously know and it is no longer the case that I don’t have specific arguments against World War Two. The book pertains to my situation as I was reading the book around the time I had the nightmare. I will relate it as best as I can remember.

I was at a boarding school (high school level I think). The setting was a mixture of contemporary America and 19th century France by my best guess. I was an individualist and got into a fair amount of trouble at my school but nothing too serious, which is not surprising. I also starting fancying a female student who had a similar rebellious attitude except she got into more serious trouble then I did.

We, France, was at war with our enemy, Germany, and the war was getting worse and the school administration was getting more uptight and the trouble I caused was becoming less tolerated. But during the middle of the school day we had a pep rally assembly to inspire patriotic fervor about the war. Everybody had to line up in their class but it was done in a racist way: the black students were standing to the right of the white students, the poor were standing to the right of the rich, and the women were standing to the right of the men (all directions from the perspective of the students). I think I was third or forth from the end towards the left side. We went down the line of each class and each student had to say how the war was benefiting him or her and/or how/why he or she was supporting the war: I can’t quite remember. The line got to me and here is what I said, “I cannot support this war in which we are deliberately killing children. I cannot support that murder.” I was referring to French bombers deliberately targeting all types of civilians, including children. I don’t have to say that this was unacceptable and I got into some serious trouble. I wasn’t expelled but it was clear from that point on that my teenage rebellious actions were no longer all fun and games, that my rebellion had profound meaning attached with it. I decided I had to leave the boarding school because I couldn’t support the schools support for war and it was clear to me that speaking out against it would not be tolerated. As I was collecting my things I talked with my crush about things. She revealed that she was interested in me but because she had to do everything she could against the war, she couldn’t become involved with me, which was disappointing.

That’s when the dream stopped. There is a lot in it and a lot of it pertains to my life personally but there is something in it that pertains to all Americans today. During World War Two we deliberately targeted children with our bombers. Today, in Iraq, in Afghanistan, elsewhere, and soon to be in Pakistan, we aren’t deliberately targeting children but when we expand our ordinance we are certain that it will result in the deaths of children. Our intentions aren’t as horrible as they were in World War Two but the effect is just as horrible. This is why the dream was scarier after I woke up. It is because my country is responsible for the deliberate murder children around the world… and I support it.